Standing O Stories
You'll Laugh So Hard You'll Cry!
A caricature in word form, a Standing O Story puts Someone Special on the front page with an in-depth, incredibly humorous customized newspaper-style article complete with a color photograph and a banner headline. A Standing O Story exaggerates personality quirks and cleverly incorporates humorous anecdotes to tell a tall tale about an Average Joe. A Standing O Stories "loving roast" is the perfect gift for birthdays, graduations, anniversaries, promotions, retirements, going-away parties, Christmas, Mother's Day, Father's Day … any day!
By BILL O'CONNELL
“My rating:Six-Stars on a Five-star scale! My in-laws reached out to Bill O’Connell to create a Standing O article for my 40th birthday… It seems everyone in my inner circle enjoyed sharing embarrassing stories about me with Bill, who was able to put it all together in a humorous, well-written, entertaining article without completely humiliating me. Bill’s background in investigative journalism was apparent in the quality and accuracy of the article. My own mom wouldn’t have known all these details. Anyone who reads it enjoys laughing and learning about me, and the gift is proudly displayed in my house, reminding me that my in-laws, friends and family love me. A Standing O article is a perfect way to make someone feel special and loved by their family and friends. I strongly recommend a Standing O.”
— Standing O recipient E. Tison (Ty) Englehardt
"A Hole-in-One"
—Chris Millard, golf author
Author Bill O'Connell has an uncanny ability to tell tales about Anyone Doing Anything, but golfers are especially easy "targets." Standing O's have a flair for immortalizing golfers by exposing their handicaps on and off the course.
“We couldn’t stop laughing. I doubt if we will ever be able to golf again without quoting your article. It was by far the best present I have ever given to anyone. The only problem is how can I ever give another gift that would compare to this? Talk about Mission Impossible!”
— Tony Matrona, Berlin, Md.
TESTIMONIALS
“I seem to recall that you have a money-back guarantee.You could double or even triple the offer and I wouldn’t let you have it back! I loved it!”
Michael Groothuis — Melville, NY
"Thanks for weaving so many of my golf and life memories into the superb article. I laughed until tears came to my eyes. I’ll treasure it forever! Two Thumbs Up. Way Up!"“
Joe Bunker — Bethesda, MD
“I read The Standing O aloud to Steven because he is expressionless in his reading. As I started, he kept saying, ‘This is amazing!’ First, the laughs came, and then the tears, that’s right — tears! He lost his 'no expression’ and let his guard down. He wanted to know how I knew his entire life story! He said it was the best birthday gift ever and that he will treasure it forever. You are a fantastic writer!”
Toni Solofsky — Norristown, PA
“I can’t think of a better gift. For my father’s 50th, we wanted something original and we certainly got it! Even after reading it 10 times, I still crack up at the same spot! This was well worth it at double or even triple the price!”
Kevin Pogue — Peoria, IL
“The article MADE my 50th birthday truly memorable. My brother is known for his outrageous ideas to set the tone for the Big Event. This year he outdid himself. Nothing could have been more appropriate or funnier. Everyone was totally blown away by the humor. This is definitely the perfect gift.”
Bob Vincent — Lawrenceville, GA
"Great job, Standing O! I was impressed with how you worked in the anecdotes and inside jokes as well as your accuracy. It’s something I can enjoy for a long time."
— Alan P. Pittman, Shelton, CT
“It is one of the most unique gifts ever, so personal, so perfect for me. I laughed so hard while I was reading it that I was forced to pause several times just to catch my breath and dry my eyes from the tears of laughter the article created for me. I will treasure it for a long time. The framed story hangs in my rec-room where everyone can see and read it.”
Michael Tile — Rockville, MD
EXCERPTS
Below are examples of excerpts from Standing O's semi-fictional newspaper-style articles that are based on facts provided by friends, co-workers and family members.
FACTS FROM FRIENDS:
A CEO, Larry is a natural at landscaping and gardening, but he owns one screwdriver and doesn’t know how to operate it. He once decided to cook a turkey for family and friends, but not in the kitchen — outside on the grill, in the dark, in the rain, by himself, and he’d been drinking a fair amount of Scotch. He burns the turkey, drops it in the grass while removing it from the grill, then serves it to his guests!
THE STANDING O SPIN:
You’ve heard of Pheasant Under Glass. Larry prefers Bird in the Grass. He came up with the bird-brained idea of cooking a turkey on the grill for house guests. And he elected to put the turkey directly on the grill, not in a pan. It’s dark and it’s raining but Larry’s heavily protected by Scotch guard, if you get our drift. The turkey sticks to the grill, so Larry uses his garden tools to try to pry it off the grill. The turkey bursts into flames, so Larry rips it from the grill and it sails over the deck railing and onto the grass below. The rain puts out the flames. Larry retrieves the bird, carves it and serves it. And to think this guy is running a Fortune 500 company!
FACTS FROM FRIENDS:
Bob absolutely loves John Wayne, and he is always organizing something, everything from reunions to meetings to parties.
THE STANDING O SPIN:
Bob may be the King of his castle, but he’d trade his kingdom for a chance to be Duke. In his next life, Bob would come back as John Wayne at the drop of a 10-gallon hat. But if he were The Duke, Bob not only would star in his movies, he would direct them. Bob, you see, always has played the leading man when the role calls for organizing anything, anytime, anywhere.
FACTS FROM FRIENDS:
George is an airline pilot who loves to play golf. He always finds the sand with his shots and doesn’t have a clue how to get out of traps. George over-packs when he travels. He takes four suitcases on vacations. George buys dozens of different kinds of cereal and mixes them together in one huge bowl. He takes this bowl on all his flights because he can’t find a bowl big enough to suit him when traveling.
THE STANDING O SPIN:
George spends so much time in sand traps that he purchased a sand wedge with a rake attachment. Once in the bunker, his game sinks faster than quicksand. Passengers on his flights are limited to two carry-on bags, but George is allowed to bring four suitcases and his huge cereal bowl, which doubles as a lifeboat.
FACTS FROM FRIENDS:
Tom is obsessed with putting Armor-All on everything. He uses it on all his vehicles — inside and out — and he uses it around the house, too. Even as a kid, Tom would shine his bicycle tires with sugar water.
THE STANDING O SPIN:
Because Tom thinks Armor-All is the Rx for Everything, the pharmacist now attends daily AAA (Armor-All Anonymous) meetings. Tom’s addiction started when he was a kid. He would spend hours using sugar water to shine his bicycle tires while the other kids played baseball. And getting a pharmaceutical degree was like putting a blowtorch in the hands of a pyromaniac. He graduated from sugar water to harder stuff and eventually to Armor-All – the heroin of hand-rub shining solutions.
FACTS FROM FRIENDS:
Henry is an elementary school principal. He is obsessed with rating hamburgers. He has a whole system that rates the patty, the temperature, the bun and how well the cheese melts. He’s always talking about hamburgers and who makes the best ones in town.
THE STANDING O SPIN:
The principal purpose of Henry’s professional life may be serving as the top administrator at Powderhorn Elementary, but his real calling – as the world’s foremost hamburger critic – could force him to take a powder from Powderhorn. Yes, the fast-food franchises are fighting for the rights to Henry’s taste buds. And they aren’t playing patty cake. They’re playing for keeps. After all, landing Henry’s palate to peddle your patties would be a tough act to swallow for the competition.
FACTS FROM FRIENDS:
At 24, Joe is by far the youngest person at the office. It upset some of us — especially the guys pushing 40 (and born in the 1950s) — when we found out he was born in the 1970s. We just hadn’t done the math!
THE STANDING O SPIN:
At 24, there’s a significant age gap between Joe and his co-workers. By the time Joe entered the world, man had already walked on the moon and Woodstock was just a purple haze over upstate New York. Joe is a fan of the Cincinnati Reds, Pittsburgh Steelers and Kentucky Wildcats. But Dan Issel was already a Colonel when Joe joined the human ranks; he was driving a Big Wheel when the Big Red Machine was driving into baseball history; and Mean Joe Greene’s curtain calls were waning before Joe reached double digits.
BIO
Pictured: Bill O’Connell and his wife, Denise.
They are the parents of three children: Shannon, Nicole and Kyle, and two grandchildren: Sofia and Simon.
Bill O'Connell
Veteran journalist Bill O'Connell was an editor at the Chicago Tribune and the Denver Post during a distinguished five-decade newspaper career. Bill is the author of the critically acclaimed nonfiction book "Fourteen: The Murder of David Stukel."
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Writer Bill O’Connell strives for accuracy and fairness. His ability to exaggerate personality traits is the cornerstone of the customized articles.
“A framed Standing O Story is the perfect group gift for a sibling, a parent, a friend, a co-worker, anyone,” says O’Connell in describing the newspaper-style articles.
“The stories are fiction, but they are based on myriad facts provided by family and friends. A person’s quirks are perfect fodder for an outrageous profile that I like to call a ‘loving roast.’ Friends of the recipient are more than willing to be co-conspirators and provide humorous anecdotes that I twist and turn into a unique take on the person’s life. I often solicit additional information in follow-up emails to make sure I capture the person’s personality and idiosyncrasies.”
In testimonial after testimonial, gift-givers and recipients say Standing O Stories, written exclusively by O’Connell, are the best gifts they’ve ever given or received.
“I’m most satisfied by repeat customers and recipients who turn around and order stories for friends,” O’Connell says