Home Testimonials Fact To Fiction Purchase About The Author
THE FACTS:
A CEO, Larry is a natural at landscaping and gardening, but he owns one screwdriver and doesn’t know how to operate it. He once decided to cook a turkey for family and friends, but not in the kitchen — outside on the grill, in the dark, in the rain, by himself, and he’d been drinking a fair amount of Scotch. He burns the turkey, drops it in the grass while removing it from the grill, then serves it to his guests!
THE STANDING O SPIN:
You’ve heard of Pheasant Under Glass. Larry prefers Bird in the Grass. He came up with the bird-brained idea of cooking a turkey on the grill for house guests. And he elected to put the turkey directly on the grill, not in a pan. It’s dark and it’s raining but Larry’s heavily protected by Scotch guard, if you get our drift. The turkey sticks to the grill, so Larry uses his garden tools to try to pry it off the grill. The turkey bursts into flames, so Larry rips it from the grill and it sails over the deck railing and onto the grass below. The rain puts out the flames. Larry retrieves the bird, carves it and serves it. And to think this guy is running a Fortune 500 company!
THE FACTS:
Bob absolutely loves John Wayne, and he is always organizing something, everything from reunions to meetings to parties.
THE STANDING O SPIN:
Bob may be the King of his castle, but he’d trade his kingdom for a chance to be Duke. In his next life, Bob would come back as John Wayne at the drop of a 10-gallon hat. But if he were The Duke, Bob not only would star in his movies, he would direct them. Bob, you see, always has played the leading man when the role calls for organizing anything, anytime, anywhere.
THE FACTS:
George is an airline pilot who loves to play golf. He always finds the sand with his shots and doesn’t have a clue how to get out of traps. George over-packs when he travels. He takes four suitcases on vacations. George buys dozens of different kinds of cereal and mixes them together in one huge bowl. He takes this bowl on all his flights because he can’t find a bowl big enough to suit him when traveling.
THE STANDING O SPIN:
George spends so much time in sand traps that he purchased a sand wedge with a rake attachment. Once in the bunker, his game sinks faster than quicksand. Passengers on his flights are limited to two carry-on bags, but George is allowed to bring four suitcases and his huge cereal bowl, which doubles as a lifeboat.
THE FACTS:
Tom is obsessed with putting Armor-All on everything. He uses it on all his vehicles — inside and out — and he uses it around the house, too. Even as a kid, Tom would shine his bicycle tires with sugar water.
THE STANDING O SPIN:
Because Tom thinks Armor-All is the Rx for Everything, the pharmacist now attends daily AAA (Armor-All Anonymous) meetings. Tom’s addiction started when he was a kid. He would spend hours using sugar water to shine his bicycle tires while the other kids played baseball. And getting a pharmaceutical degree was like putting a blowtorch in the hands of a pyromaniac. He graduated from sugar water to harder stuff and eventually to Armor-All – the heroin of hand-rub shining solutions.
THE FACTS:
Henry is an elementary school principal. He is obsessed with rating hamburgers. He has a whole system that rates the patty, the temperature, the bun and how well the cheese melts. He’s always talking about hamburgers and who makes the best ones in town.
THE STANDING O SPIN:
The principal purpose of Henry’s professional life may be serving as the top administrator at Powderhorn Elementary, but his real calling – as the world’s foremost hamburger critic – could force him to take a powder from Powderhorn. Yes, the fast-food franchises are fighting for the rights to Henry’s taste buds. And they aren’t playing patty cake. They’re playing for keeps. After all, landing Henry’s palate to peddle your patties would be a tough act to swallow for the competition.
THE FACTS:
At 24, Joe is by far the youngest person at the office. It upset some of us — especially the guys pushing 40 (and born in the 1950s) — when we found out he was born in the 1970s. We just hadn’t done the math!
THE STANDING O SPIN:
At 24, there’s a significant age gap between Joe and his co-workers. By the time Joe entered the world, man had already walked on the moon and Woodstock was just a purple haze over upstate New York. Joe is a fan of the Cincinnati Reds, Pittsburgh Steelers and Kentucky Wildcats. But Dan Issel was already a Colonel when Joe joined the human ranks; he was driving a Big Wheel when the Big Red Machine was driving into baseball history; and Mean Joe Greene’s curtain calls were waning before Joe reached double digits.
THE FACTS:
As a young kid, Nick had a special pair of sneakers he liked to call his Fast Shoes. With a little reverse psychology, his three older sisters could talk him into doing anything they didn’t want to do themselves just by doubting his speed. He never figured out they were just using him to do their chores!
THE STANDING O SPIN:
Anyone who goes to school uninterrupted for three-quarters of their first 24 years has focus and fortitude. It must be the shoes — The Fast Shoes, the sneakers Nick has worn since childhood when his teenage sisters began tricking him into running every errand imaginable. “I bet you can’t go next door, borrow a cup of sugar, and be back in 3 minutes,” his sisters would say. “Oh, yes I can!” he would respond and be off. Nick’s been on the run ever since, completing college in four years, finishing graduate school in two years and, that same year, getting married to Sue and landing his dream job. He expects to have 2.5 children by age 28.
Home Testimonials Fact To Fiction Purchase About The Author